75 miles until we get to heaven.

Guys. I’m so excited.

About a week and a half ago, I was cast in Peoria Players Theatre’s production of THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS. We had our first rehearsal this Monday and I AM SO FRIGGIN’ EXCITED. I haven’t been in a show since February. I haven’t been in a rehearsal process since January. So the fact that I’m getting the opportunity to get back on the stage just really excites me. I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again, but theatre is my passion. Acting is the only profession I can think of and realize that it is a job that I will never be tired of. There is no role too big or too small that I will turn my nose up at.

If you are unfamiliar with the show, there is a movie starring Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds from the 80s. I haven’t seen it yet but just about everyone I’ve told about the show, whether at home or work, knows about the movie and thinks it’s a great show. A lot of people already want to come and see the show, which is even more exciting! Our first rehearsal was Monday, and that consisted of meeting everyone, going over some expectations and such with the director, getting measured for costumes, getting music, and then reading through the script and listening to the music. Just that simple step back into the rehearsal process has put a new spring in my step. I’ve missed being onstage more than I can say, so to know that in the coming weeks that is where I’m going to be has given me a second wind, so to speak.

Anyway, this was just a short little update, but it was an update I felt I needed to share!

And I’m back.

Hold the applause.

I’m sure my many avid readers have been wondering where I have been the past several months. Fear not, loyal subscribers, for I have returned! (In my imagination, I hear the corny trumpet sounds for when a hero bursts onto the scene at the last second to save the day.) The past several months have been different. I started shutupchristopher as a way to process the vast amount of things I learned while I was in Florida, whether those things were personal, educational, artistic, or somewhere else in the realm of any, all, or none of those things. The fact of the matter is that I am no longer in Florida. Toward the end of my beautiful internship at Florida Studio Theatre, I realized that there were no open internships and the likelihood of one opening up was miraculous at best. It didn’t happen. So on August 15, 2015, I left Florida.

I was sad, primarily.

I think that’s why I stopped writing in this blog. I realized I wasn’t going to be able to stay, and so I lost the will to continue learning while I was down there. That’s something I regret. I think I let that realization change my attitude. If any of my Florida friends read this, please know that I’m sorry.

In truth, there was no part of me that was happy to be leaving Florida. I was excited to see my family again, sure, but at the expense of leaving this beautiful place that I had just moved to? At the expense of moving away from friends that I was just beginning to grow close to? At the expense of the beach?! Only a madman would be happy to leave the beach behind in exchange for the cornfields he grew up in. I wasn’t happy. I was sad. I was anxious. I’m still anxious (but what else is new?). I loved my internship at Florida Studio Theatre. It taught me a lot about myself. One of the many things it taught me was that I don’t want to work in theatre education. Not right now. I truly valued the experience and I made many great friends, but the fact is that I have other passions that I need to chase first. Primarily, that passion is to be onstage again. It has been nine months since the last time I performed in a show. I feel artistically started, but I knew that unless I was offered a specific internship or could find a way to pick up acting gigs in Sarasota, I would be unable to stay. Alas, that is what happened. It took me just over two days (and yet another stop at an auto shop when my car started breaking down) to get home. I was able to stop in Atlanta and see Brooklin and actually see the city this time. I got home and within a week, I had a job at Family Video. Then I got a job serving, so I quit Family Video after two days of training.

My grandmother passed away after I got home. She had been sick for a while, but had gotten very sick in May, right before I graduated from Western. She’s one of the reasons I was able to go to Western in the first place, and I was scared that she would pass while I was still in Florida, but she didn’t. I was able to come home and see her, and speak to her, and see recognition in her eyes even though I knew she was so confused. Being able to spend time with her again before she passed was truly the biggest blessing of being unable to remain in Florida. I thank God more than words allow me to express that I was able to tell my Grandma Donna I loved her again before she passed away.

And then I started working. Full time. As a server.

That job, like any, has its ups and downs. There are days where I find the work truly rewarding because I have been able to build such great friendships with many different customers, and there are days where I wish I had called off. But I truly believe that would be the situation with just about any job. The money is decent and it’s able to help me pay the bills (including my student loans, which have entered repayment status).

I’ve also been able to visit Western a lot. I’ve gotten to be there for the birthday of two of my three littles. I’ve gotten to go see my talented, inspiring friends perform in various shows the theatre department has put on (honestly I’m still floored by She Kills Monsters), and I was able to attend fall party with my grandlittle and his girlfriend. All of this boils down to the fact that I’ve been able to actively maintain friendships with people that I was afraid I would grow distant from if there was a great distance between us. For me, an hour long drive to see some of the most important, impactful people in my life is absolutely worth it. So I make that drive as often as possible so I can spend time with those important people.

But something has been missing, and I’m sure it isn’t hard to guess. I miss acting. I miss being on stage. I miss rehearsing for a show. I miss tech. If that doesn’t say how much I miss theatre, then I don’t know what does. So yesterday, I did something about it. Peoria Players (based out of Peoria, Illinois (you probably never would have guessed that)) held auditions for The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. For those of you unfamiliar, this musical is also a Dolly Parton/Burt Reynolds movie, but for me the most intimidating part was what it is– a musical. I don’t think I have a bad voice by any means. I can carry a tune most days and I can read music, so I have the basics down. But I am very aware that I also by no means have the best voice in the entire world. I know that I’m not much of a dancer. So walking into that audition yesterday was truly intimidating. As I was filling out my paperwork, a thought crossed my mind. “You’ll probably go first.”

Guess what? I did.

But honestly, the second my name was read first I was completely relieved. I was able to go into the audition space, speak with the director and the musical director, and sing my piece. The director asked questions about me. It was a great experience. And then I sang. And honestly, I was so happy with how that part of the audition went. I was prepared for the worst. In past musical auditions I have been completely off key, forgotten words, missed the beginning of the cut, but yesterday I was entirely happy with how I auditioned.

And then there was the dance call.

As previously mentioned, I’m not much of a dancer. I took two semesters of tap at Western (thanks Lara, Lysa and Maddie!) but other than that, I have nothing. You can show me choreography and if it isn’t too difficult, I can usually pick it up. This choreography was fast, and it wasn’t easy. But the show’s choreographer as well as the dance captain (shout out to Red Heather), we went over the dance multiple times, breaking it down and taking it slow. They allowed for questions and eventually even I had the dance down pretty solidly, despite the fast pace of it all. The director came in and watched us dance, and that was that. They sent us home and told us that the cast list would be up within the next three days (I found out today that it will be posted tomorrow (Monday) evening). So now I will patiently wait and hope that I’m cast in this show.

There was a time in my life where I was too picky about roles. I would get mad if someone else got a role that I thought I deserved, but college kind of took that bitterness away from me. I was happy to see my friends succeed, and while I might not know these people I believe in my heart that if I’m meant to be in this show as the leading man (LOL) or just as a member of the ensemble (exponentially more likely), then that is what will happen and I’m absolutely okay with that. And if I don’t get cast, I will be okay with that, too, because I am still amazed with how well I feel yesterday went.

Rejection is a hard thing to face, but in the world of theatre you are going to hear “no” much more often than “yes.” I knew that when I was going into this, and so that is something I need to become more accustomed to. But here is hoping for the best, and not preparing for the worst. Maybe by this time tomorrow I will know if I’m in a show.

Here’s hoping I get to visit the Chicken Ranch.

“Everybody leaves.”

“Everybody leaves.”

“Sometimes it’s okay to be a little bit selfish.”

This evening I was asked to sit in on a rehearsal– after having expressed interest and wanting to do so to the director– of one of the shows that is currently in the process of going up. It opens next week. The show is called OVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS. Comically, it is about an Italian family. One grandson and four grandparents who are, suffice it to say, eager to be involved in their grandson’s life. The rehearsal was truly amazing, especially considering one of the actors joined the cast two days ago, and the show is currently in its third week of rehearsal. And for as amazing as I thought the show was visually and dramatically, it struck a chord with me.

You see, the show is about leaving. Nick must choose whether he wants to stay in New York with his four grandparents– four people that have been there for him from the moment of his birth– or if he wants to move to Washington to pursue a promotion he received. I’m not going to dive into the plot (because if you have the opportunity to see this play, you should [also because I basically wrote out the entire play and then realized that I’m not really writing about the play]), but this is the very issue I tackled about seven weeks ago when I received a job offer from Florida Studio Theatre. The week before, I struggled to decide whether or not I even wanted to apply to work here, simply because of how far away it was. In the end, I submitted my application. I interviewed with a man who I have been very lucky to take classes from and get to know better, and four hours after I interviewed, I received an email with a job offer. I responded to the email immediately after saying to my mom– who sat across the room from me– that they had offered me the job. I responded with a YES.

Do I regret accepting this position and moving to Florida? Absolutely not. Earlier today I sent my mom a text that said, “Hi Susi Q. Just wanted to say that I love and miss you. I had brunch today with a bunch of my coworkers and I realized that as much as I miss everyone from home, I have an amazing support system of friends down here that I’m very thankful for. Thank you for always supporting my dreams.” Every word of that is true. But I also believe that my family didn’t really want me to leave, and I fear that they think I left because of them. That could not be further from the truth. The two quotes at the beginning of this entry are: “Everybody leaves.” and “Sometimes it’s okay to be a little bit selfish.” These are two quotes from the show that resonated very deeply with me. I did leave. Everybody leaves. And I am scared and sad in so many ways of the things that I might miss. I have already missed the birth of my cousin’s daughter, Isley. I have missed my little brother Shaw’s birthday. I will miss my mom’s and other little brother Nick’s birthdays. These people who are so incredibly significant to my life, and at times I feel like I’ve abandoned them and selfishly moved 1300 miles across the country.

But sometimes it’s okay to be a little bit selfish. I have explained this to my family and to myself (more myself than them) that I cannot pursue my dreams at home. I can’t become an actor in Farmington, Illinois. I can’t become an actor in Peoria, Illinois. What I want cannot be achieved in the middle of cornfields. I need to be in a city setting, both for my career and for myself. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to live in an urban setting. I have wanted to live in the “big city” and live my adventure. When I graduated high school I realized that I wasn’t tied down or attached to staying in Illinois for any reason other than family, and that if any time was the time to move away and have an adventure… it was now. So that’s what I did. I did something for me. I decided that I had to live my life for myself and pursue what I thought was best for me. Maybe I would fall flat on my face. Maybe I wouldn’t I have been in Sarasota since May 26, and I haven’t fallen flat on my face yet. I have taken every obstacle that life has thrown at me and I have found a way to deal with it, and I am damn proud of myself for that reason.

So what have I learned lately? I have learned that it’s okay to be selfish. I have learned that people leave. I have learned that I have to leave. But I have learned that I can come back. I have learned that I can call those people that I miss so much. And that is exactly what I will do.

Happy birthday to me.

So I can’t write a long entry because honestly, it’s late and I need to sleep before I go to work in the morning. But I wanted to share about today in particular because it was my 23rd birthday. I’m not the type of person that hates the idea of birthdays. Actually, I’m rather ambivalent toward them in some regards. Really, it’s just like any other day out of the year. That day just so happens to be the anniversary of the day you were brought into this world. In that sense, to me, birthdays are uneventful and not very important. The idea of turning another year older isn’t exactly the most appetizing of ideas, but I can deal with that as well.

No, to me… birthdays are about the people. Today, I was overwhelmed by the absolute outpouring of love from friends, family, and people I barely even know. That is what makes birthdays special to me. I could care less if I receive a single gift, but a phone call from my mother, or father, or uncle or anyone is what makes a birthday special to me. So if you are taking the time to read this, thank you. You made my birthday special. Being away from home is, as I’m discovering, hard. It gets harder every day, but the idea of failure in comparison to success is more daunting than all else. Being away from home makes me miss the people there. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I need to live out my dreams for me. Not for anyone at home. Not for else else.

For me.

As I shared on Facebook:

I could not have asked for a better birthday. Thank you so much to my wonderful family for the calls today, my wonderful coworkers for their amazing kind words, and my friends from both here and home.

Today at camp we were asked to think about any emotion we had felt today, and all I could think about was how loved I felt.

Thank you all, so much.

Take a deep breath.

Sometimes, I let my frustrations and anxiety get the best of me. Today was one of those days.

If you have kept up with me at all in person or on social media, then you probably know that I have had some pretty severe car issues since February, when my first car– my Buick– was rear ended. The back of the car was totaled and at the end of the day, I decided that repairing my 22 year old car was probably not going to be as financially intelligent as bucking up, taking out a loan, and getting a “new” car. Of course, I say “new” meaning new to me, not a new car. On February 20 of this year, I bought a 2007 Ford Taurus. And so my struggles began. The first couple months, my Taurus ran beautifully. It was a little quicker to run out of gas than my Buick, but I knew that would happen when I upgraded to a V6 engine. Then the issues started.

I rolled down my window, and it wouldn’t roll back up. The next three days, of course, were three of the rainiest days in all of April. I got home in May and after some pretty significant issues, figured out that I needed to replace the coil pack. This happened right before I was supposed to leave for Florida, and I had vowed to myself that if the repairs were going to cost more than $300, that I was just going to buy a plane ticket and call it a day. God must have heard that, because my repairs ended up being just a little under $300. Read as: I ended up driving my car from Illinois to Florida over a two day period, taking about twenty hours to make the trip all by myself. No big deal, right? You did it, Chris! Good job! You had this amazing adventure and you made sure that your car could make it, and that is all on you. I was proud of myself.

About two weeks after being in Florida, my car started acting funny again. I convinced myself it wasn’t anything serious, but it got progressively worse and worse and eventually I realized that it had to be the alternator. The morning that I woke up to take my car in to get it fixed, the battery was completely dead because the alternator had given out. I eventually got the car jumped and running, to a shop that was open, and I paid a lot of money to replace the alternator. Wonderful. Problems solved, right? Wrong.

On Sunday, I drove to and from St. Pete for the gay pride festival that was happening. It was an amazing time, and I will definitely go into more detail about that marvelous adventure at a later time. The funny thing was that other than the persisting issue, my car was completely fine to and from St. Pete. On Monday morning I woke up, got in my car to leave for work, and realized that my engine was significantly louder than it should have been. Now, by no means am I the most intelligent person when it comes to vehicles, but I know enough to know that if the car is loud, that means there is probably something wrong with the exhaust. In a hurry to get to work, I figured I could deal with it later. Two blocks from home I heard metal fall from beneath my car and begin scraping along the pavement of the street. Hell. No. I pulled over and saw my exhaust hanging off the bottom of my car. I called my parents in an absolute panic, but eventually got the car home and got a ride to work with a coworker. I got it into a shop that evening, and got it back the next day. I was informed that the ar had been “straight piped,” which had caused the exhaust to blow off of the vehicle because it could not move around the way it needed to. But I got it fixed. Problems solved, right? YOU GUESSED IT: Wrong.

So I have mentioned that my car has had a persisting issue. That issue is that each time I brake or just slow down, and then press on the accelerator again, the car will coast for a second, lurch forward, and then continue moving. Sometimes it will do it even when I’m at a complete stop. My mom mentioned yesterday (I think?) that I might want to see if the car was running low on transmission fluid. So today after work I went into Autozone to buy some transmission fluid, and the gentleman working there was kind enough to step outside and look at my car. It was then that he rolled a paper towel up so that he could poke it down into my car. When he brought the paper tower back out, there was an inch or so of the paper towel covered in a fluid. “You have a major leak in your transmission.” WHAT.

How on earth is it that I have had my car in two different shops within the past two weeks, and no one noticed that transmission fluid was leaking out of my car? So after around 5:15pm or so today, I was in a pretty rotten mood. And I hate to admit it, but I kind of stayed in that rotten mood. It has affected me all through my evening, from sitting at home, to going to class, to coming back home and heading straight for my room. I’m the type of person that wants to be alone when I’m upset, not because I am upset with anyone in particular, but simply because I don’t want my bad mood to bother anyone around me. I don’t want to be that person, so I separate myself which I feel is often misinterpreted for isolating other people and freezing them out. That is never my intention. But I need to process. I need to think and I need to be able to be upset and not worry more than I already am that I might be upsetting other people by being upset. And that might sound absolutely insane, but that’s how my brain works.

SO. I’m sure you’re wondering, “Chris, isn’t this blog all about what you are learning on this huge new adventure?” Well, yes. It is. You will also find my personal thoughts, feelings, anxieties, and the general hilarity that is my life interspersed. But today (really, the past two weeks) has taught me that when it rains, it pours. My dad has said that to me multiple times over the past few weeks, and it finally hit me today how true it is. I am taking my car back into a shop tomorrow to figure out exactly what the issue with the transmission is, but by this point I have spent just shy of $900 on repairs for a car that I bought toward the end of February. Four and a half months later, and I made my $4000 purchase a $5000 purchase. It upsets me that I have had to put almost a quarter of what I spent on the car back into the car, but being upset isn’t going to do much to better the situation. Tonight, I had my moment. I was sullen and grumpy and I tried to make the best of it but I know that I was being a bit of a jerk. So if you are reading this and I was a jerk to you today, I am so very sorry. When it rains, it pours. And the only way I have found to get through it all is to take a deep breath.

So here I am: I’m laying in bed and really contemplating sleep because I have to be up in about eight hours to get to work, and I am breathing my way through the rest of my evening. For far too long I have let the pressure and anxiety and frustration build up inside of me, and I don’t want to do that anymore. Work today was great, but finding out that I had yet another issue with my car kind of ruined my whole day.

But that was today, and tomorrow is a new day. So I will just breathe.

No freedom till we’re equal, damn right I support it.

“No longer may this liberty be denied. No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were.” — Justice Anthony M. Kennedy

June 26 is a date that I will never forget for as long as I live. Today is the day that I am able to marry the person of my dreams and have that marriage regardless of where we live in the United States of America. At the age of twelve, I realized that I was different. I heard the word “bisexual” and when I found out what that meant, it all clicked for me. As a young boy myself, I knew that I liked other boys. Over the past ten years, my identity has evolved and changed and I stand before you today as nothing more than Chris Guidi. Labels are not for me. I do not label my sexuality. I do not label my gender. I will love who I love, and as long as I’m okay with that, then everyone else should be too. But people are not, and hopefully over the course of time that will change. I’m not naive enough to think that now that the Supreme Court has ruled in favor of marriage equality, that everyone will suddenly support it. Regardless of all of that, the war that the LGBT community– my community– has been fighting has come to an end.

Today, we are no longer partners. We are no longer relegated to civil unions at best in some areas of the country and blatantly ignored in other areas of the country. Today, we are husbands and wives and our marriages will be recognized everywhere that we go because the highest court in the land has deemed it so. One day, I will be married. And when that day comes, it is with great relief that I know that my marriage will recognized no matter where I travel in this beautiful country that I call home.

Friends, family, thank you for your unwavering support. At twelve years old, I convinced myself that I would never tell my family that I was attracted to the same sex, because I was afraid that they wouldn’t love me anymore. I vowed to myself that I only thought the other boys were attractive, but that I could only love a girl and that one day I would marry her and have a family because that is what I was supposed to do and that is what is “normal.” I remember having a panic attack because I thought “What if I’m gay?” The fear was so deeply ingrained in me, and over time that fear has changed and has gone away. Coming out to my family is the best decision I have ever made, because the support and love I have received since that moment is something that I hold so closely to my heart. Remembering the way my dad said “okay” like I had just told him any other bit of news, and following it up with “You’re my son, I will always love you” will be a memory to last a lifetime. When I told my mom, she told me that she didn’t care as long as I was safe (and she then launched into a safe sex lecture).

My family loves me. That is all I need.

I am proud to be me. I am proud to be a member of the LGBT community, but today is a victory for every member of that community, as well as every person who loves a member of that community, regardless of orientation. Love is love, and love always wins.

Surprise, surprise.

Coming to Sarasota, I knew things were going to be different. Please. Between the cornfields of Illinois and the beaches of the Gulf, things had to be different, didn’t they? Just my luck; they are. There are so many things I love about Sarasota. And there are some things that I’m not so fond of in Sarasota. But anyone can feel like that about anywhere that they live. For me, Sarasota is my brand new adventure. This is the thing that I am doing on my own, and I think because of that I see everything that glitters as gold. I’m not naive enough to not see the faults that this city has, but for the most part things are pretty amazing here. I’ve been here for four weeks and one day (but who’s counting?), and I love it just as much as when I first arrived.

The biggest positive difference is that I am almost never more than fifteen minutes away from a beach. Sarasota is home to the famed Siesta Key Beach, but there are a few hidden gems besides Siesta. I was able to visit Siesta this past week, and I loved it. I felt like a tourist (because.. well.. I kind of am?) but the white sand was so fine that it felt like I was walking on powdered sugar. There were a lot of people there, which made it feel full without feeling crowded. There was this random sandbar in the area of the ocean that we had camped out at, so it was pretty cool that I could go over one hundred feet out and still be standing no deeper than my chest. Another beach that I have frequented both day and night is Lido Beach. Lido is in this beautiful little town (read as: tourist trap) call St. Armands, and it’s almost as beautiful as Siesta. It’s never been as full as the single time I’ve been to Siesta, but I’ve also gone to the beach at various times throughout the day. That is another huge perk of living here. If I need to clear my head or just want to get out of the house, I go to the beach. Right now, I know that my time here in Sarasota is limited, and I want to soak up every ray of sunshine, step on every grain of sand and feel every wave available crash against me while I can. But the beach has become more than just a place to lay out or swim. It has become a place of solitude and friendship with my fellow interns. Going at night when the beach is basically deserted can be one of the most relaxing experiences in the world. I can think with nothing to distract me. Having the soundtrack of my thoughts be the waves rolling in and rolling up the beach is peaceful beyond measure. When I am at the beach, I feel free to think and say the things that scare me, or excite me. I get to reflect on what being in Sarasota and what working in theatre means to me. There is nothing as beautiful as that.

Of course, things aren’t always sunshine and rainbows here. My first couple days here made me see the differences between being raised in a rural community and living in a city. The biggest difference I noticed were homeless people. In Farmington and Macomb, homelessness was never a visible issue. One of my very first days here I saw a man walking down the street with no shoes on. He was staring out directly in front of himself as he shuffled along and was talking aloud. I could tell that he felt he was talking to someone, just from his gestures and body language. That was heartbreaking. I wanted nothing more than to pull over and help this person. I wanted to give him a dollar or buy him a cheap pair of shoes or anything, but I didn’t. I care about people, but I can’t save every struggling person that I meet. I will give change away whenever I have the chance. I want to make a difference, but right now the obstacle seems enormous and I feel small. Hopefully that can change in my time here.

So now that we have covered the good and the bad, let’s cover the strange. Back in Illinois, I am used to seeing squirrels running around constantly. That’s just what Illinois has. Don’t get me wrong, there are squirrels here, too. But the squirrels here are like a quarter of the size of an Illinois squirrel. If I brought one of our squirrels down here, it would look like a small cat in comparison. Strange. But do you know what Sarasota (and Florida, apparently) does have crawling all over the ground at all times? LIZARDS. There are lizards that literally scurry everywhere, all the time. The first time I saw one I almost panicked, but then I noticed they were everywhere! My Florida friends don’t seem to understand that in Illinois, a lizard is a pet. It belongs in a tank. Here, they wander around as they please. I’ve seen lizards fight. It was some crazy stuff.

Anyway, I don’t think it should come to anyone’s surprise that Florida has been full of surprises for me. This adventure is one that is changing me and the direction that my life is headed in, and I am so thankful for that. But today was just another day, and tomorrow has another set of surprises in store!

A nice little reminder.

Today I was reminded why it is that I love what I love.

Why is that you ask? It was because I had to do something things that I do not love. As I mentioned in my last post, I recently graduated with my Bachelor of Arts. My BA is in theatre performance. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be an actor. To me, performing is the ultimate adrenaline rush. Standing on a stage and helping tell a story, no matter if that means you say one line or the majority of them, is something that means more than nearly everything to me. My internship is not as an actor; that’s okay. Part of my contract, however, states that I have to help with changeover and load in. Again, that’s okay. I am not bothered by these tasks because it is a different side of theatre that I honestly didn’t have much contact with during my time in school. But these are not the tasks within the theatre that I am passionate about. These are not the aspects of the world I want to live in that thrill me.

But there are people that are passionate and are thrilled by these things, and getting to see those people in the atmosphere in which they are most comfortable is inspiring it its own way. Plus, getting to spend a little bit of extra time with the people I am becoming friends with is pretty awesome as well. Today was a nice little reminder that I will not always get to do what it is that I dream of doing, and that there will often be jobs that I will work because I need the money, or because its part of a larger contract. In the end, it will all help me down the road toward my ultimate dream– becoming an actor.

A career in theatre makes for a hard life. That is what I’ve heard from the moment I first expressed my desire to work in the arts. For a while, I let the idea of living a hard life scare me. I let it paralyze me, and in the end I put another career path ahead of being a performer. It took me until the beginning of my (first) senior year to realize that I had let my brain overrule my heart. I had let fear get in the way of passion. I knew then that I was going to take a fifth year at my undergrad and that I would dedicate that year to being a performer and a better fraternity man. I would like to think that I accomplished both of those goals. Pi Kappa Phi and my future in theatre are the things that matter the most to me in this life, outside of my family and friends.

There is nothing that will stop me from achieving my dreams. This is something I have come to realize more and more in the near month I have been in Sarasota. This place has taught me so much. I believe that, at this point, this is the most important lesson I have learned. I know what I need to do to achieve my goals. I believe I have the charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent (I’m not sorry for plagiarizing RuPaul). More than anything, I believe in myself.

“Treat yourself like a star, and eventually the rest of the world will catch up.” I am a star. Even if no one else believes I can do this, I believe that I can. And that is all that matters.

Shut up, Chris(topher).

Hi friends.

This summer, as many of you know, I’m living in the beautiful, warm, sandy, hot, humid, lovely, confusing, golden city of Sarasota, Florida. I graduated with my Bachelor of Arts in May of this year and shortly thereafter found an internship at an amazing theatre. I’m so glad to be pursuing my dreams, and that is something you will be hearing about if you read my blog posts. You will also be hearing about the things that living in Sarasota teaches me. From these lips to God’s ears, there has not been a single day that I have been in Sarasota that I haven’t learned something new, whether it is about living in a city, the (extreme) differences between Illinois and Florida, other people (both those that I know and those that I do not), and myself.

Some of you might wonder, “Chris, why on earth did you title your blog “Shut up, Christopher?”” Well, there are two reasons behind that. First and foremost, Shut up, Chris was taken. Second, I know that I have a certain tendency to be longwinded and go into extreme amounts of detail when I really don’t need to, and honestly I know that I can kind of be annoying (I often annoy myself), and I’m trying to work on that. So here’s to those resolutions.

Since it’s so late, I figure that I should probably go to bed since I have to be to work by 10am, but I wanted to at least get this started. It is something I’ve really been thinking about, and there are some things I really want to share. I also really miss my family, and I want to give them a way to read about the things I’ve been up to, rather than me calling them seven times a day when I realize that sudden torrential downpours are a thing here, and how I thought they were cool at first but after getting drenched (multiple times), they’ve lost their charm.

So friends, I hope you are as excited to take this ride with me as I am excited to be on it.