Hold the applause.
I’m sure my many avid readers have been wondering where I have been the past several months. Fear not, loyal subscribers, for I have returned! (In my imagination, I hear the corny trumpet sounds for when a hero bursts onto the scene at the last second to save the day.) The past several months have been different. I started shutupchristopher as a way to process the vast amount of things I learned while I was in Florida, whether those things were personal, educational, artistic, or somewhere else in the realm of any, all, or none of those things. The fact of the matter is that I am no longer in Florida. Toward the end of my beautiful internship at Florida Studio Theatre, I realized that there were no open internships and the likelihood of one opening up was miraculous at best. It didn’t happen. So on August 15, 2015, I left Florida.
I was sad, primarily.
I think that’s why I stopped writing in this blog. I realized I wasn’t going to be able to stay, and so I lost the will to continue learning while I was down there. That’s something I regret. I think I let that realization change my attitude. If any of my Florida friends read this, please know that I’m sorry.
In truth, there was no part of me that was happy to be leaving Florida. I was excited to see my family again, sure, but at the expense of leaving this beautiful place that I had just moved to? At the expense of moving away from friends that I was just beginning to grow close to? At the expense of the beach?! Only a madman would be happy to leave the beach behind in exchange for the cornfields he grew up in. I wasn’t happy. I was sad. I was anxious. I’m still anxious (but what else is new?). I loved my internship at Florida Studio Theatre. It taught me a lot about myself. One of the many things it taught me was that I don’t want to work in theatre education. Not right now. I truly valued the experience and I made many great friends, but the fact is that I have other passions that I need to chase first. Primarily, that passion is to be onstage again. It has been nine months since the last time I performed in a show. I feel artistically started, but I knew that unless I was offered a specific internship or could find a way to pick up acting gigs in Sarasota, I would be unable to stay. Alas, that is what happened. It took me just over two days (and yet another stop at an auto shop when my car started breaking down) to get home. I was able to stop in Atlanta and see Brooklin and actually see the city this time. I got home and within a week, I had a job at Family Video. Then I got a job serving, so I quit Family Video after two days of training.
My grandmother passed away after I got home. She had been sick for a while, but had gotten very sick in May, right before I graduated from Western. She’s one of the reasons I was able to go to Western in the first place, and I was scared that she would pass while I was still in Florida, but she didn’t. I was able to come home and see her, and speak to her, and see recognition in her eyes even though I knew she was so confused. Being able to spend time with her again before she passed was truly the biggest blessing of being unable to remain in Florida. I thank God more than words allow me to express that I was able to tell my Grandma Donna I loved her again before she passed away.
And then I started working. Full time. As a server.
That job, like any, has its ups and downs. There are days where I find the work truly rewarding because I have been able to build such great friendships with many different customers, and there are days where I wish I had called off. But I truly believe that would be the situation with just about any job. The money is decent and it’s able to help me pay the bills (including my student loans, which have entered repayment status).
I’ve also been able to visit Western a lot. I’ve gotten to be there for the birthday of two of my three littles. I’ve gotten to go see my talented, inspiring friends perform in various shows the theatre department has put on (honestly I’m still floored by She Kills Monsters), and I was able to attend fall party with my grandlittle and his girlfriend. All of this boils down to the fact that I’ve been able to actively maintain friendships with people that I was afraid I would grow distant from if there was a great distance between us. For me, an hour long drive to see some of the most important, impactful people in my life is absolutely worth it. So I make that drive as often as possible so I can spend time with those important people.
But something has been missing, and I’m sure it isn’t hard to guess. I miss acting. I miss being on stage. I miss rehearsing for a show. I miss tech. If that doesn’t say how much I miss theatre, then I don’t know what does. So yesterday, I did something about it. Peoria Players (based out of Peoria, Illinois (you probably never would have guessed that)) held auditions for The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. For those of you unfamiliar, this musical is also a Dolly Parton/Burt Reynolds movie, but for me the most intimidating part was what it is– a musical. I don’t think I have a bad voice by any means. I can carry a tune most days and I can read music, so I have the basics down. But I am very aware that I also by no means have the best voice in the entire world. I know that I’m not much of a dancer. So walking into that audition yesterday was truly intimidating. As I was filling out my paperwork, a thought crossed my mind. “You’ll probably go first.”
Guess what? I did.
But honestly, the second my name was read first I was completely relieved. I was able to go into the audition space, speak with the director and the musical director, and sing my piece. The director asked questions about me. It was a great experience. And then I sang. And honestly, I was so happy with how that part of the audition went. I was prepared for the worst. In past musical auditions I have been completely off key, forgotten words, missed the beginning of the cut, but yesterday I was entirely happy with how I auditioned.
And then there was the dance call.
As previously mentioned, I’m not much of a dancer. I took two semesters of tap at Western (thanks Lara, Lysa and Maddie!) but other than that, I have nothing. You can show me choreography and if it isn’t too difficult, I can usually pick it up. This choreography was fast, and it wasn’t easy. But the show’s choreographer as well as the dance captain (shout out to Red Heather), we went over the dance multiple times, breaking it down and taking it slow. They allowed for questions and eventually even I had the dance down pretty solidly, despite the fast pace of it all. The director came in and watched us dance, and that was that. They sent us home and told us that the cast list would be up within the next three days (I found out today that it will be posted tomorrow (Monday) evening). So now I will patiently wait and hope that I’m cast in this show.
There was a time in my life where I was too picky about roles. I would get mad if someone else got a role that I thought I deserved, but college kind of took that bitterness away from me. I was happy to see my friends succeed, and while I might not know these people I believe in my heart that if I’m meant to be in this show as the leading man (LOL) or just as a member of the ensemble (exponentially more likely), then that is what will happen and I’m absolutely okay with that. And if I don’t get cast, I will be okay with that, too, because I am still amazed with how well I feel yesterday went.
Rejection is a hard thing to face, but in the world of theatre you are going to hear “no” much more often than “yes.” I knew that when I was going into this, and so that is something I need to become more accustomed to. But here is hoping for the best, and not preparing for the worst. Maybe by this time tomorrow I will know if I’m in a show.
Here’s hoping I get to visit the Chicken Ranch.
shutupchristopher 